A Lot Of Fuss About Nothing
by EpicStories786
Summary: In a world where Donna and Harvey hate each other and Mike and Rachel decide to wed, they conspire along with Robert Zane and Jessica to end Rachel and Harvey's verbal sparring and attempt to make them fall in love. Based on Much Ado About Nothing.
1. Chapter 1

The party is in full swing as rounds of cocktails are being taken everywhere. The air at Pearson Specter is alive with chatter and laughter, and casual innuendo and introductions forgotten on the spot, and enthusiastic meetings between women who never knew each other's names. Robert Zane is sitting down on the couch with Donna and Rachel chatting their way. In a nut-she;; Jessica has gone over to London to deal with Edward Darby with Louis, Kyle, Harvey and Mike in what was supposed to be a month trip lasted for months.

"Robert. It's a text for you." Benjamin says giving his phone for Robert to read.

"According to this text Jessica and the rest are on their way." Robert said.

"He must be very near now. The last text said they were an hour away." Benjamin said.

"The text also says that he's given the honor of our victory to young Mike Ross." Robert said. Rachel smiled as Donna nudging her spilling a bit of her drink.

"Well Mike deserved some recognition and Jessica's rewarded him accordingly. Mike's done more than anyone would expect of a man his age. He looks like a lamb but fights like a lion. He's greatly exceeded all expectations that I can't even describe all he's done." Benjamin said praising Mike.

"He's has a grandmother who'll be glad to hear the news." Robert said.

"No. He has no family member living but I guarantee that they would be proud." Benjamin said.

"Please tell me, is Senior StuckUp coming back?" Donna asked.

"Senior who?" Benjamin asked in confusion.

"Who are you talking about Donna?" Robert asked.

"She means Harvey." Rachel said rolling her eyes.

"Oh, yes, Harvey has returned and is as cheerful as ever." Benjamin said.

"Tell me, how many men did he manage to take down. I promised him I would eat anyone he killed." Donna said.

"For God's sake, Donna, you're criticizing Harvey too heavily. But I'm sure he'll get even with you." Robert said.

"Harvey served well in the war against Darby, Donna." Benjamin said.

"You had must have had a few drinks that he clearly sent you from London. He's a very brave drinker—he has a strong stomach." Donna said.

"He's a good person too. He is positively stuffed with honorable virtues." Benjamin said.

"Absolutely—he is stuffed, like a puppet or a dummy. As for what he's stuffed with—well, nobody's perfect." Donna said.

"Please don't take Donna the wrong way, Benjamin. Harvey and Donna have been waging a war of wits between themselves. Whenever they meet, there's a little battle." Robert said.

"And I always win. The last time we fought, he was so dazed by the end that he wasn't much smarter than his cat. So tell me, who is he hanging around with these days? Every month he has a new best friend. Michael Jordon? Mike? Michael Phelps?" Donna asked.

"Is is even possible to have different friends every month?" Benjamin asked.

"It's entirely possible. He's incredibly fickle—his affection changes faster than the latest fashions." Donna said.

"I can see you don't like him." Benjamin commented.

"No, absolutely not. But please tell me, who's his best friend? Isn't there some new swaggering young lawyer who will happily go to hell with Harvey?" Donna asked.

"Not really, he spends most of his time with Mike." Benjamin said.

"Oh God, Harvey will plague him like a disease! Harvey is an infection that's easy to catch but hard to get rid of—and he'll drive you crazy once you've been infected. God help Mike! If he's caught the Specter-aitus, he'll lose everything before he's cured." Donna said.

"I'm going to make sure I stay on your good side from now on." Benjamin said opening his eyes wider and taking a sip of his drink.

"Trust me, you'd want to be on my good side." Donna assured Benjamin.

"You will never fall victim to Harvey's charms." Robert said.

"No, not until we see snow in July." Donna said finishing her drink.

"Jessica's here!" Benjamin said pointing to Jessica.


	2. Chapter 2

Jessica entered the room with Mike, Harvey, Louis and a few more lawyers as everyone clapped together in appreciation. They were surprised to see that a party was thrown for them but they decided to take every moment in.

"Robert, hosting this whole army of lawyers is such a huge burden and I couldn't rely on anyone to steady our ship whilst we were away than yourself." Jessica said.

"You take up your duties too cheerfully." Robert Zane said smiling.

"It's nice to see you with your daughter." Jessica commented looking at Rachel.

"That's what her mother always tells me." Robert said. Rachel started to choke on her drink in shock.

"Did you doubt that she was your daughter, since you had to ask her mother?" Harvey asked.

"Of course not, Harvey. You were only a child when my daughter was born, and not yet old enough to seduce my wife." Robert said teasing Harvey.

"Ah, he got you back, Harvey! Robert clearly knows your reputation with women. Seriously, though, the lady resembles Robert so much that there can be no doubt about who her father is. Congratulations Rachel, you resemble a most honorable man." Jessica said complimenting them.

Everyone continued partying as Mike spoke to Rachel, Louis to Shyla and Robert to Jessica. Harvey decided to walk towards Donna who was standing all alone with her drink.

"Well, even if he is her father, I'm sure she wouldn't want to have the head of the old man on her shoulders!" Harvey said mumbling to himself.

"I'm amazed you're still talking, Harvey. No one's listening to you." Donna said.

"Look, it's my dear Lady Unworthy! Aren't you dead yet?" Harvey asked sarcastically.

"How could contempt die when you're here? When you're around, even Lady Good Manners becomes Lady Unworthy." Donna replied fiercely.

"That makes Lady Courtesy a traitor. All the women love me, except you. It's too bad I'm so hard-hearted, because I really don't love anyone." Harvey said.

"Women are lucky, then. You would make a nasty lover. Thankfully, I feel the same way you do. I have no need for romance. I would rather listen to my dog bark at a crow than hear a man swear that he loves me." Donna said.

"Well, I hope you stay in that frame of mind or some poor man will end up with his face all scratched up." Harvey said taking a drink from the waiter.

"If he has a face like yours, a good scratching couldn't make him look any worse." Donna said.

"Listen to you, instructing me like a parrot would." Harvey said.

"I'd rather be a shrieking bird than an animal like you." Donna said.

"I wish my car drove as fast as your mouth and was as tireless. That's it—I'm done." Harvey said leaving Donna.

"You always slip out of the argument like this. It's a nasty habit of yours." Donna finally commented.

"And that's everything, Robert.—Mike, Harvey—Robert has invited all of us to stay at his place. I told him we'll stay for at least a month, and he says that he hopes we'll stay longer. I think he's actually serious, and not just being polite." Jessica said.

"Thank you. I'm not a man who talks a lot, but I thank you." Louis said to Robert.

"To be honest we have our own homes. I don't see the point of staying at Roberts place." Mike said.

"Mike does have a point." Harvey added.

"Nonsense. Think of it like an extended holiday. My house is so large that I can hear my wife's footsteps echoing when she's upstairs from the garden. It would be a sign of respect between us." Robert said.

"Okay, I could do with a swim in that pool though." Harvey said.

"And I get to see the room Rachel grew up in." Mike added.

"Don't push is Ross." Robert said laughing.

"If it pleases you, can I lead you all in now? I'll tell Benjamin to clear up. I've grown fond of him." Robert Zane said.

"Too bad he's already working for me." Jessica said smiling.

* * *

After everyone grabbed their suitcases full of clothes for the month (which they agreed was cool but weird) they reached Robert's house and they weren't kidding when he was saying it was huge.

"Harvey, I need your opinion on something." Mike said as he spoke to Harvey alone.

"Shoot." Harvey said.

"I want your opinion on Rachel." Mike said. Harvey's eyebrow rose up.

"Do you want my true opinion? Or do you want me to criticize her like I do all women?" Harvey asked.

"No, speak seriously." Mike said.

"Well, it seems to me that she is too short to be praised highly, too dark to be praised fairly, and too small to be praised greatly. I can only say this about her: if she looked different than she does, she would be ugly, and since she can't be anything but herself, I don't like her." Harvey said as honestly as possible.

"You think I'm kidding. Please tell me seriously what you think of her." Mike said again.

"Are you thinking of buying her? Is that why you're asking?" Harvey asked.

"Would it even be possible to buy a jewel as rare and precious as Rachel?" Mike asked wondering.

"Yes, and you could buy a case to put it in, too. But tell me, are you speaking seriously? Or are you just teasing? If I'm going to sing along with you, I need to know what key you're singing in." Harvey said trying to get a mutual understanding.

"I've realised she's the most wonderful woman I've ever laid eyes on." Mike said.

"I'm still young enough to see without glasses, and I don't see what you're talking about. If her best friend Donna didn't have such a nasty temper, she'd be so much more beautiful than Rachel that it would be like comparing May to December. But, hey, this doesn't mean you're looking to get married, does it?" Harvey asked getting worried that it was going in that direction.

"Even if I had sworn never to marry, I wouldn't trust myself to keep that promise if Rachel would marry me." Mike said.

"What's going on these days? Isn't there one man left in the world who knows not to take a wife? She's just going to cheat on him. Will I never see a sixty-year old bachelor again or will all men be swindled into marriage while they're young? Go ahead, then, if you have to take yourself to marriage, like an ox carrying his load, and throw away your free time. Look, Jessica has come back for you." Harvey said.

"What secrets between you have kept you from following us to Robert's?" Jessica asked curiously.

"Nothing." Harvey said.

"Your loyalty to me requires you to tell me what you've been talking about." Jessica said.

"Look, Mike, I can keep secrets like a mute; I want you to know that. But I _have_ to tell her. Here it is, Mike intends to marry. With whom? That's what you're supposed to ask me next. Look how short the answer is—with Rachel, Robert's daughter." Harvey said.

"If you say so." Mike said denying it.

"Listen to him deny it. Oh the lies, the horror, the agony." Harvey said exaggerating.

"Unless my feelings change very soon, I have to admit it's true." Mike said denying it.

"It's good if you love Rachel, because she's worthy of your love and marriage." Jessica said.

"You're trying to trick me." Mike said.

"I swear, I'm telling you what I honestly think." Jessica said.

"And I swear I spoke honestly to Harvey—I am in love with Rachel and intend to marry her." Mike said.

"I, however, don't feel how she could be loved and don't know how she could be worthy. Even fire can't melt that opinion out of me. You could burn me at the stake, and I'd still think this." Harvey said.

"You never did believe in the power of beauty." Jessica commented.

"Or in the power of reason." Mike said.

"I was conceived by a woman, and I thank her very much for all her effort. And then she brought me up, and I thank her for that, too. But all the other women will have to forgive me for not being willing to be made a fool of—cheated on by a wife. I don't want to insult any particular woman by doubting and mistrusting her, so I'll just avoid them all. And the conclusion of this is that I'll live as a bachelor—and, with the money I save, dress better." Harvey said.

"I swear, before I die I'm going to see you sick with love." Jessica said.

"With anger, with fever, or with hunger, sure, but I'll never be sick with love. If you can prove that I'll ever be so in love that I can't be brought to my senses with a good round of beers, you can pluck out my eyes out." Harvey said.

"I'll be sure to remember this, if you ever do fall in love. That'll be news to everyone's ears." Jessica said.

"If I ever change my mind, you can use me for target practice. And whoever hits the bull's-eye gets to be a hero." Harvey said.

"Well, time will tell. Even the most savage bull is eventually domesticated." Jessica said.

"Maybe the bull is, but if _I_ am ever domesticated, you can take that bull's horns and put them right on my forehead, as my wife is sure to cuckold me soon enough. You might as well hang a big sign with enormous lettering around my neck. But instead of it saying "Horse for hire," it will say "Take a look at Harvey, the married man." Harvey said making his point.

"If that ever happened, you'd go absolutely mad." Mike added.

"Well, if Cupid hasn't used up all his arrows in Paris, he'll get you to quiver and shake. Just you wait." Jessica assured Harvey.

"That's about as likely as an earthquake." Harvey said.

"Oh, you'll soften as time passes. While you're waiting for that to happen, though, hurry to Robert's. Give him my respects, and tell him I'll definitely be there for dinner, since I know he has gone to great lengths for this meal." Jessica said.

"Oh, stop joking around. You know, sometimes you two dress up your conversation with flimsy little bits of wit that don't hold together too well. Before you make fun of everyone else, look at yourselves in the mirror! And with that, I'm leaving." Harvey said as he left.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, brother. Tell me, where is my nephew, your son? Has he taken care of the music?" Robert asked his brother Matthew.

"He is taking care of it as we speak. But Robert, I have some strange news for you." Matthew said.

"Is it good news?" Robert asked.

"Well, it seems like good news. Someone told me that they heard Mike and Jessica talk about how he's in love with Rachel, your daughter, and that he is going to tell her so at the dance tonight. If he she wants to marry him, too, he's going to find you and ask for her hand immediately." Matthew said.

"Is this person who told you a smart man?" Robert asked.

"He's very bright. I'll get him to come here, and you can ask him yourself." Matthew said.

"No, no, until it comes true we'll pretend it was just a dream we had. But my daughter should know about this, so she can be prepared with an answer just in case. Go to her and tell her for me." Robert said.

* * *

"Really? Why are you so sad?" Kyle asked Louis.

"The things that cause my sadness are without limit. Therefore my sadness is without limit." Louis said.

"You should listen to reason. Then you'd stop being so gloomy." Kyle said.

"And after I have sat and listened to reason, what's my prize?" Louis asked.

"If not an end to your suffering, then at least you'll have the means to endure it patiently." Kyle suggested.

"I'm amazed that you—being such a moody man yourself—are moralizing about my deadly condition. I can't hide what I am. I'll be sad when I have reason to be sad and won't smile at anybody's jokes. I'll eat when I'm hungry and won't wait until it's convenient. I'll sleep when I'm tired and won't rouse myself for anything. I'll laugh when I'm happy and won't flatter and fawn over anyone." Louis said.

"Sure, but don't do it at full volume until there's no danger in it. Not long ago you challenged and opposed Jessica, and it is only very recently that she has forgiven you. You need to act carefully if you're going to stay in her good graces. You have to wait for the appropriate time to let loose." Kyle said.

"I'd rather be a weed in a hedge than a rose in my Jessica's garden. It suits me more to be hated by everyone than to put on a fancy show and trick people into loving me. Though I am not a flattering, righteous man, at least you can say that I am honest about being a villain. Jessica trusts me now? Yeah—as much as a master trusts the dog he muzzles or the peasant he "frees" by chaining a big block around the man's foot. If my mouth were unrestrained, I'd bite. If I were free, I'd do what I pleased. Until that happens, let me be who I am and don't try to change me." Louis said starting to gulp down his scotch.

"Can't you somehow use your dissatisfaction to your own advantage?" Kyle asked.

"I use it all the time, since it's all that I have." Louis said.

"What if I can give you information about an intended marriage." Kyle said.

"Will this give me an opportunity to make some mischief? Who is this fool who wants all the fuss of marriage?" Louis asked.

"Mike Ross." Kyle said.

"He's a very fancy gentleman. And who's the girl who has caught his eye and he kept as a secret?" Louis asked.

"Rachel Zane." Kyle said.

"Robert's daughter?! How did you learn about this?" Louis asked.

"I was walking into one of the rooms to get a watch of mine when Jessica and Mike entered. They were in the middle of a serious conversation. I quickly hid behind the door and heard them agree that the Mike would court Rachel tonight at the dance and, once he won her consent to marry, he would get Robert to agree." Kyle said.

"Come, let's go to the dance. This just may cheer me up. Mike Ross is the reason why I can't make Senior Partner. If there's any way I can spoil his life, I'll be overjoyed. You'll both help me, right?" Louis asked.

"Of course." Kyle said.

"Let's go to this great feast. They'll be even happier now that my mood has lightened. It's too bad the cook doesn't think like me; she would have poisoned them all if she did. Should we go check out the scene?" Louis asked.

"Lead the way." Kyle said.


End file.
